The secrecy of our lives amazes me. We talk about speaking our mind, not repressing emotions/thoughts/beliefs etc. when we are constantly afraid of being exposed. That fear of being vulnerable, the consequences of not being trusted, the anxiety of suffering pain and all this accumulated together makes for each one of us. I live in denial sometimes; that I am not afraid of being vulnerable; that I speak my mind. No. I do not. No one does. Those who did are either in jail or dead.
Life is beautiful in its imperfections. I love the deaf and mute daughter of my maid because she is beautiful. She is as black as coal but has the most beautiful smile ever. She talks to me when no one does. She asks me to talk to her. She makes me feel that I am beautiful, just like her, because I make her smile and sometimes laugh too.
I want to do one thing with my life. I want to feel comfortable in my secrecy. I want that reassurance that no one would invade it and that I am a good human being in all the evil things I think of doing. Again, think of doing. And I want to spend one sunset in the mustard fields of Rajasthan, probably smoking and rewinding all the amazing things I have done...all the amazing things I have done in secrecy; in the wake of making them permanent and trying to escape the fears of being exposed. All the things I thought were the most beautiful things in my life...and thereby putting them on a pedestal; sometimes they deserved it, sometimes they didn't.
And I want to build/buy a house with lots of windows because I like windows.
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Till next time, lets do one significant thing every day which is not a habit... Lets live. And this one piece of enlightenment was given to me by my favorite professor in class two days back.
Lets use naked language because thats the language of love.
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