Notes of a Dirty Young Woman/ 100th Post

This is the 100th and the last post on this blog. In my last post I  mentioned that I might be moving to another platform.

I do not have much to write here. But the few readers that I had here may now read me on my new blog: Notes of a Dirty Young Woman. I do not have a specific reason for this shift, but I have struggled a lot to reach to the decision.

So that's that. Hope my dear reader is happy and full of life.

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Now Playing: I'm Coming Home | P. Diddy, Dirty Money, Skylar Grey

Like a Bird in the Sky

What would you do if you had the power to travel through time? Would you go back to all those moments when you were stronger, happier or would you go to those when you were not at your best? Would you stand at a spot and watch your city from a distance or would you go all in?

I would never want that power. That much responsibility is too much to handle. And now, I shall post from the new base. Till then, listen to this happy song.

Also, I might move to another blog platform (which is why I haven't completely revived this space). Stay tuned. =)

I clicked that on my last trip to the heart of the walled city.
I will miss home, but I'm equally excited to leave it. 

-x-

Back from the Dead!

Remember where I last left you? Here.

So I talked about finding a path, about looking for a moment of clarity. Life was mundane and not so great. I am 22; I have perfected the art of going away from things which remind me of what I once was. And that included this world... where I read so many amazing words; where people have dared to share what they are; this place is special. Even if I don't have a 100 readers, I know that somewhere someone is reading and relating to all this. You see, nothing is entirely unique in this world after all. We all have the same basic emotions. Our anatomy is the same.

I wasn't really sure if I wanted to come back here. Then I read this. Since a very long time I have had trouble letting go- people, things, bags, notebooks. Each time I heard the news of a goodbye, I sank. And now here I am, writing this post before a month of the big move.
The Big Move- I am moving to Mumbai next month! For college, for a new life, and most importantly, for a fresh start.

So what actually made me come back here? It wasn't the "oh-my-god-I'm-leaving" breakdown. It was much more than that. I read so many beautiful people every now and then. Kshipra being one of them. It was while reading her many posts that I realised that it doesn't matter if I have just two or three readers; I have to give back the positivity and give them a reason to smile or to be able to relate through words. I am not sure if I'll ever do justice. Hell, I'm not even sure if I have it in me anymore.
But your art matters, Kshipra. To me. And I hope I'm able to do the same to someone... to be able to inspire someone.

Will be back sooner with a better update.
Till then, listen to this

***

I missed this. 
-x-

Hello, Goodbye!

I began writing blogs because they gave me a medium of expression. It was a very important part of my growing up. Now, however, I do not feel so close to it. It is sad, really! But it has been great...reading so many amazing talents, making friends, learning and evolving along the way.

Sharing music, and other stuff.. all of it has been very well! And now, neither do I have the time nor do I feel the urge to take out time to write. I am trying to do things differently this year- starting with closing this chapter.

2013 wasn't a very good year. Then again, that's nothing new! =)
Days are never the same. You win some, you lose some. Shit happens and you move on. What I am terribly missing these days is the series of heart-to-heart conversations with my best friend. I am not an ambitious writer. I'm not among those who wish to get their works published...for what its worth, I don't even like sharing my work anymore.

So that's it I guess. Ending the blog with its 97th post.

Lets hope 2014 brings some moments of clarity.

***

Nothing Left to Say | Staind

I am going to spend this year trying to find a path. I will paint my room red, and I will get another tattoo to mark the quest for a path. And I hope those of us who haven't been able to, will be able to. 

Lots of love. 

Shruti S.

-x-

Stand Back

Back in 2009, there began a journey to a probable destination. I was sure of how it will end. Perhaps the most sure I have ever been. That time was a moment of clarity. Things were either good or bad. Then, as the journey progressed, the destinations changed, I changed. And today, after almost a year or so, I am writing about something I had promised that I won't.

In these four years so many things were left behind and that journey itself has become a limbo. It's become the only thing I am unsure of...unsure of its meaning, its tangents, and its form. While its been a beautiful journey, it has turned into something perhaps I will never be able to resolve. Maybe the point is to keep it tangled  up in itself.

I guess they just see through you. And you're so busy being harsh on yourself that you give them the benefit of doubt. Maybe the point is to slow down and stop yourself from withering. Because its only fear which stands between you and them.


***

Further | Longview

Grey Winter

I always fall back to my music in times of dejection, silence and disappointment. I curl up inside my cocoon and refuse to come out until all my playlists are exhausted. And then I emerge as your quintessential 22 year old female.

So what do you do when your disappointments seem to outrun your playlists and your general good opinion of the close ones begins to crumble?

I am not a particular fan of December, however much I might try every year to be one. This month is dark and hurtful. You're alone in your bed, thinking of all the great winters that you could have had, would have had.

***

Winter | Daughter

Oh, winter comes
Oh, winter crush all of the things that I once loved. 

Born Ready!

I do not have much to talk about or say anything. What I do have is a very particular set of songs which make me a very productive employee at my workplace. (Cutting the Taken crap)

I was never a big fan of electronic music and then this amazing man introduced me to Pretty Lights, then I explored more artists from his label. This isn't new, you know. But I am in love with Gramatik. Listen to him and be a rockstar at work. Or otherwise also. You can always be a rockstar! Go change the world and dance at the after-party!

Born Ready | Gramatik

***

I am usually happy person. I like to spread laughter. Then again, who doesn't? =)
Happy rest of December. And yes. I work now. =D
Its kind of cool. My workplace has a big ass library. Go figure! 

=)

Religious people fascinate me. I am not a practicing Hindu or Sikh. I do not follow one particular set of doctrines or religious beliefs. But these people fascinate me. Sometimes I think that they're foolish of believing in something nobody has seen; in something whose existence is such a big question mark. They must be so vulnerable. Then again, I feel that these people are strong maybe. They choose to believe in God or some Supreme Power, and have this trust factor with something so invisible. They give "feelings" and "sentiments" such superior value. They must be so sure of themselves for believing and sometimes even crediting God for the good that's happened to them.

I do not understand deep rooted religious feelings and beliefs. I refrain from using religious comments or point of view. And I do not know what triggered this thought process.

Anyway, new things are happening in life. The year is coming to an end. And its my best friend's birthday today. =)

***

Now Playing: Tanha | Sanjeev T ft Ujjayinee Roy

You know I listened to Sanjeev Thomas LIVE and I hated him so much. He was probably drunk and took up so much stage time. The Sabri Brothers had to cut down on their performance and Papon performed just one song. So yes, my hatred for him was very justified. But I stumbled upon MTV during one of their moments of bliss when they actually air music. And this song was playing. I don't know if I like the song because of the woman's voice or because of his. Nonetheless, happy to know that there's more to him than being patronizing to Literature enthusiasts. =)

In a very content mood. 

Later. -x-

Air and Light and Time and Space

Have I ever told you that I absolutely adore comic strips? Well...allow me to share one of my favorites. Gavin Aung Than is one creative smartass. He makes famous words by famous people look more attractive. No, he is not paying me to advertise for him, but I like to share works of amazing people.

Read it in full screen, or better click here.

Posting this because I do not have anything else to write/share. Life is snail-paced, and mundane. And people have been disappointing. 

OkayBye.

Passionflower and Alter-Ego =)

You know how we are always so comfortable, sitting in our little cocoon? We love it in our little bubble. Well, I am not different. I haven't been quite the extrovert in sharing my poetry, as I have been in other areas of life. So, the other day, after spending hours sitting in front of the laptop and trying to decide if I should hit the Send button, I thought to giving it a shot.

So here's my first step to trying to come out of my bubble, sharing my poetry, and being a little more open. Click HERE to read it. I love this initiative and have read some amazing stuff here. So if you're a budding writer or just a shy one (like me), go ahead and submit your work here. If not, then just read mine and others' =D

In other updates, I am desperately waiting for this year to end. And after you're done reading Writers Asylum, go watch this.  Do NOT ignore. Please go and watch :)

***

Mother is back and I have to admit, it was sort of fun having the whole house to myself for three days. And I get these scary realizations every now and then that I am 22 and I am not doing much with life. At least not as much as I had wanted to. Well... I think we're making slow but steady progress. Anyway, even if you don't read that poem, watch that video. OkayBye.

-x-

10 Random Things I Love

1. Ice cream sandwich in December.
2. The part of The Ellen Degeneres' Show when they show her talking to kids. That's the only time I like kids.
3. Colourful pages.
4. Momos from Campus and from Dharamkot.
5. Laughing before going to bed.
6. Waking up to the smell of masala tea.
7. My best friend's smile.
8. Photos of my brother when he was three. That's when my folks lived in the hills and clicked amazing shots of him in the valleys, holding well....earthworms. But not the point. 
9. Quick home delivery of books and everything else.
10. Walking from Janpath to Block-B of CP, on a foggy January evening. 

***

NP: Giving Me Life | SuperVision

So in short, I am missing winters. I am missing them more so because I would be at home, away from the hustle and bustle of Delhi. In all honesty, I do not like living in a suburb. Its mundane, boring, and too quiet. I am keeping myself busy by listening to artist from the Pretty Lights Music Label. To top it all, the car is thrashed. Will not be returned before Sunday. Also, tomorrow is the lamest and the most sexist festival of Hindus. And I am wearing a Miller polo tee. Oh the irony!

Later.
-x-

If The Plane Goes Down, Damn...

I have deactivated Facebook. (Yay!) Firstly, it was getting obscenely boring to read the same type of updates by everyone and see the same kind of pictures uploaded. Second, it had turned more like a reminder that almost everybody is living a better life than you are...with girls going to Europe to study further, boys working in music festivals, and kids..well... kids were being the same.. posing for their DSLR cameras and Instagram-ing their duck faces with captions such as "Me and mah bestie at le Sunburnz". Yes! Sadly, I know such kids. *facepalm*

I have had a Twitter account for the last two years, but only recently did I become more frequent there. And now, I like it better. Its short and crisp and you can always indulge in conversations with yourself. My twitter handle is @shroooti_singh. Not that I post any interesting updates, but whatever.

So the primal dilemma right now is: Do I follow my heart into choosing a career which would stimulate me intellectually and creatively

Or

Do I continue with the rat-race, ignore the inspiration I get every time I watch Wake Up Sid! and hope to become the corporate slave my beloved khandaan expects me to be?

I shall update this space with the choice I made. But I am sure everybody has been through this fix. If you have, please bless me with your words. I am in a dire need to get this clutter off of my head.

In other important news, I FINALLY got a new laptop. [Heeee :D]. Its so pretty and sleek. And the best part is the battery. Yes. Its a very big factor, considering that I have used an Acer which worked for just 11 minutes without being plugged-in. So you get my happiness, right?!
I am not particularly excited for the impending festival season. Its like a burden to be chirpy and happy when its actually just overrated. Small families living in big cities in their big mansions, watching the Diwali Mega Blast on TV channels on their big LED screens. That's festive season, summarized.

In short, life is like the Jason Mraz song, Plane. "...I'll remember where the love was found."

***

I am trying for a couple of internships... anything to keep the volatile mind of mine from falling prey to the wonderful existential words of Kafka, Camus and Nietzsche. I am dealing with the twenty-something crisis of life. 
Much love to Jason Mraz, and to you, dear Reader. 

-x-

Every Life is a Lie.

Falling in love is so overrated. The concept of companionship is more of a necessity. We waste our life searching for "the one". Sometimes, we assume that this xyz person is the one. The one who will make my day better by a mere smile or a passionate kiss. I am amazed at how we are always ready to give second chances, ready to rebuild dreams. We are so keen on lying to ourselves just to define a sense of security. In all totality, we are scared beings. Too scared to live a life on our own terms. Afraid to define life by the moments when we were truly free...when we were absolutely happy.

I came across this article here. Such a simple question. How do you live your life? Keep the answer to yourself or send it to the author. But just do yourself a favor. Answer the question.

I feel life is like a playlist. You listen to one track. Go on to the next one. And repeat. You shouldn't keep songs you dislike in your playlist. You shouldn't have to skip even one song. I think that is how life should be. You shouldn't have to skip anything. It should be the way you operate a playlist. If you doze off when there still are eight tracks to listen, you carry on with it the next day.

Love is overrated. Not that I don't believe in it. I do. But I don't understand the Romantic and glorified version of it. Nobody comes in your life for you. They come in your life for themselves. So do you.
It is like that old statement. You help each other to take off clothes before sex, you hardly ever help each other put them back on after you're done.

So lets try one thing. Lets stop pretending.

***

NP: Promise | Ben Howard

Who am I, darling for you?
Who am I?
Going to be a burden in time...
I come alone here. 

***

Do read that article. And listen to Ben Howard. That's my remedy for a bad day.
-x-

Of Change and its Sisters.

Rain does not follow the storm,
There is silence in the winds.
The smoke is lost in my absence,
And blank pages no longer yearn to be filled.

Patterns have changed.
I am no longer me,
And yet there is peace!

***

Now Playing: Refur | Sigur Rós

"It seems, as one becomes older, that the past has another pattern, and ceases to be a mere sequence." - T.S. Eliot.

Agreeably, I love war-affected poets and authors. There is truth and nakedness in their work. There is reality in their words. 

They Lied About The Cookies

Kids ask their parents about growing up. Then the parents tell them that they should enjoy the childhood while it lasts. I wasn't different. I pestered my mother with "adulthood" questions throughout junior school. She kept the consistency in her answers.

I asked my  brother how it felt like being an adult, taking responsibility in a foreign land, all by yourself? He said that it had its perks but he was struggling. And his friends were struggling. And everybody he knew was struggling. That didn't match well with my idealized version of growing up.

I am 22. I spend hours in front of the laptop, studying, taking tests, and trying to find as many interesting courses to study as I can. And every night, just before going to sleep, I think of the question I asked all my cousins. How is it like being an adult and taking your own decisions?

Adulthood is so overrated.

Being a grown-up sucks. I miss the days when the only worry I had was to gulp down a big scoop of ice-cream, and the only thing I feared was Dad's supposed death-stare if I was up past bedtime.

Precisely depicts my state of mind.

NP: Time | Pink Floyd

***

The dark side was not as sweet as they promised! How would we get through life if there were no Pink Floyd. Sigh!

Twenty-Too!!

13th September, 2013 will remain a very significant day in my life. Not only is it a Friday, but also because today I am free.

If I write about you on my blog; if I even mention you in a passing sentence, then know that either I despise you or I love you a lot. And if you do not know how to value either, then kindly take your ass and rub it against a thorn-bush for thirteen hours. Yes. 

Now, I had one of the best birthdays ever. I spent the day with my closest friends, ate amazing food, looked sexy, went to my favorite restaurant, and got amazing presents. What more do you want? I even made my dad pose for a picture together and THAT is RARE. Today, I feel so blessed that I have such amazing people around me... people who have always made me feel special and loved. 

There was no cake. No candles. My birthday started on a rough note, but I took perhaps the best decision of my life till now. It is amazing how just one day your patience gives up on you. And for good! 

The best Friday the 13th since 1991. 

I am finally 22 y'all!! 

Happy day. Happy people. Happy place. 

Thank God It was Friday =D

***

Today was an eventful day. Also, 16th December accused will die! And I have started watching Grey's Anatomy. Still getting accustomed to the whole TV series thing. But its good. Though I don't like Meredith.

Happy To Me!! :)

Now Playing: Bad To The Bone | George Thorogood

Anger Management

I want to pack my blog in a box and throw the box in the sea. And I want to do that to One boy, my phone, a couple of friends, and basically everything/everyone I see right now.

Yes.

That is what I want to do right now, other than eat chocolates till I die, listen to my Anger Management playlist, and slap the boy across the face.

And maybe run to Italy, without the million questions, answers, consequences, and what-ifs.

OkayBye.

Birthday Month!!!

Since its past midnight and because I am already very tired by now, I'll just give a quick update.

But first, HAPPY SEPTEMBER!!! IT IS MY BIRTHDAY MONTH.

The update is that I bought a crazy number of books from the Book Fair last week, have no space for new books now, I will be 22 this month, and I'm finally earning (in a stable arrangement) (yay!)

No motivation for creative writing. But I will write very very soon. Till then admire this:

Now Playing: Pink Floyd Time Remix | Pretty Lights

***

I'm usually not a very big fan of remixes but Pretty Lights is an exception.  

Kisses and lots of kisses. 

-x-

One song and one page at a time.

Celebrating Book Lover's Day today. Reading Rob Sheffield's Love is a Mix-Tape for the fifth time. This is one of my favourites. If you haven't read it already, I suggest you do! 

I haven't made a mix-tape or a playlist for anybody else but me. Nobody has made a mix for me either. I hope someday this does change. Till then, I am going to enjoy this book. 

Picture Courtesy: deviantArt

I was reading a poem by my idol, Wallace Stevens, in which he said, ‘The self is a cloister of remembered sounds.’ My first response was, Yesss! How did he know that? It’s like he’s reading my mind. But my second response was, I need some new sounds to remember. I’ve been stuck in my little isolation chamber for so long I’m spinning through the same sounds I’ve been hearing in my head all my life. If I go on this way, I’ll get old too fast, without remembering any more sounds than I already know now. The only one who remembers any of my sounds is me. How do you turn down the volume on your personal-drama earphones and learn how to listen to other people? How do you jump off one moving train, marked Yourself, and jump onto a train moving in the opposite direction, marked Everybody Else? I loved a Modern Lovers song called, ‘Don’t Let Our Youth Go to Waste,’ and I didn’t want to waste mine

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Now Playing: Center of Attention | Jackson Waters

Every time I look at her these days, a movie flashes before my eyes. A scene where she is young and gorgeous, roaring to face life and the very next moment, the flashback ends- she is in her bed, quiet, thinking, going through physical pain which none of us would understand. I want to help her. I tell her everyday that she is the most beautiful woman I know and that I love her immensely.

I am not sure if she still listens to me. She is my only friend right now. She is my only listener.
And every time I see that look of pain on her face, I die a little inside. I do not care if I live my life alone, I don't want to lose her. I want to be selfish and keep her with me till I face my middle-age crisis.

Truthfully, I am petrified. I might just lose her.


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Twenty Years | Augustana